That’s Just the Way I Roll.

ok ok OK…before I start, allow me to say that I am neither one of those sociopathic internet zombies  who starts groups on Facebook called  “I BET I CAN FIND 1,000,000 PEOPLE WHO HAAATE THE JONAS BROTHERS, OH YES I CAN, OH YES I FUCKING CAN”, nor a psychopath who joins Jonas  Brothers fanclubs to rant about how “dey r such fucking fags how de fuck can u like dem?” , nor am I even one of those people who leaves the creepy comments about how “i will DESTROY the jonas brothers” (actual quotation from blogger from Illinois. They really don’t like them over there).

You see, I don’t hate them. I just don’t particularly like them. I can listen to the occasional tune on the radio, but their songs,as it is for many Disney Channel stars, are just so underwhelming in originality (they took Kim Wilde’s 80’s monster hit “Kids in America” and substituted the word “America” for “Future”; lesson learned, the new recipe for a chart-topping song) that you really won’t catch me sporting a TEAM JONAS T-shirt,  or flaunting a Jonas Brothers traveling bag  (I wonder when this merchandise madness will stop, seriously) . I really do put myself in the middle-ground: I will tell you that Lovebug is a sweet croon I like and enjoy listening to, but I will also laugh at how questionably and hilariously kinky they look, what with tearing at each others shirts in leather jackets, on the cover of “Rolling Stone” magazine.

God! Girls! Guitars! GAH, how ridiculous!

God! Girls! Guitars! GAH, how ridiculous!

So why is this in the wonderful Hate category, if I am so neutral? One word: fans.

The JBF (Jonas Brothers Fan) is a an amazing, almost otherwordly, creature: it runs on pure hormonal highs, adrenaline and the occasional Red Bull. Often sporting hot pink shirts and too tight pants, this creature can always be seen doing one of the following:

1) texting her BFFFF about a new JB CD, merchandise, concert or lock of hair available on eBay.

2) Absent-mindedly drawing JBros+*name*=LOVE LOVE LOVE on her binder.

3) Gushing about how “freakin’ HAWT” Joe is.

4) Talking about fighting for a cure for diabetes, because otherwise Nick might not be able to sing anymore.

5) How uh-mazing they were in Camp Rock.

Excuse me, I can’t make it to ten: I’m feeling waves of nausea overwhelm me as I place myself in their rhinestone-covered shoes.

They terrify me, they really do: the screeching, the hormones, the obsession, and the J-14 magazines that make up the Jonas Brothers Fan  give me the creepers. Case in point, when the JBros fans attack. That kind of blind, savage lust/love/worship is not my thing, but hey, that’s just the way I roll.

~Ady

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~ by thetunarhythm on April 23, 2009.

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